Some Lessons Of Pain

The uncanny thing about pain is that is has an unmatched ability to make a person feel alone - really alone.  I mean, someone can have compassion for another person if they've experienced something similar, like a broken bone, or a muscle injury, or a severe burn - but, ultimately, each of us must walk through the pain all by ourselves.  No matter how much a friend tries to come along side another who's in pain (either physical or emotional), and may very well know what their own experience was with the exact same affliction, pain is solitary.  (The friend coming along side thing helps, tremendously, though - don't get me wrong.) 

It's just that over the past few months I've been dealing with a debilitating and very painful joint and muscle condition (as of yet, still undiagnosed) and I've increasingly felt alone in it.  The other day, I heard the song _Lean On Me_ on the radio, and (as it has been known to do in the past) it reduced me to tears.  Music has always been particularly powerful for me, and this song has long summed up a lot of my own perspective on life and what we're doing here.

When you really think about it, all we really want in this world is to be completely understood and to not have to be alone (or maybe that is all I really want in this world).  And, when we're able, we want to be there for others in the same ways they are there for us - because we know how great it is to help and be helped in times of need.

While pain can certainly make anyone feel alone, you really never are if you reach out to others - and if they take initiative to reach out to you (a lesson I'm still trying to learn).  In the lyrics of Bill Wither's classic song, "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on.  For, it won't be long till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."  

I have no problem with being the one who others lean on - I really do love to help others out.  But when it comes to doing the leaning, I often allow my pride to win - never revealing my need, much less asking for help with it.  In that way, I've definitely increased my solitude and sorrow - creating a life out of balance.

Just some thoughts I'm pondering on a day when I'm finally pain free (because of a trial medication regime).  And I'm struck by the importance (once again) of seizing the day - because I don't know if the pain will return tomorrow, or if it's going to be gone for good - I need to savor each moment without it.

What about you?  Is there anyone you can lean on today - or do you find yourself in a place of strength with something to offer to a friend in need?

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25: 35-40

The Truth About The State of Our Country

I have been stewing.  Stewing and pondering and desperately wanting to write down my thoughts, but I've been so frustrated and angry and sad that I've been careful to choose my words wisely (and until now, that has been to hold them).

But, the silence has to be broken - I can no longer hold my tongue against the atrocities that have been committed against the US people as a result of the recent passage of the "health care insurance reform" bill by congress under the cloak of night late Sunday when the rest of us (who will be shouldering the heavy bill of this legislation) were resting before starting our workweeks on Monday morning.  My conscience demands that I say my peace.

Because I am so concerned about choosing my words wisely, though, other than voice my utter disagreement with this legislation, I have been stumped at what, exactly, to write.  Until this morning, when I read a blog post by Del Tackett of Focus On the Family's The Truth Project on his blog, The Truth Observed.  I wanted to share an excerpt of Dr. Tackett's words with you because they express my sentiments more eloquently than I am able to right now.

Dr. Tackett writes:

"The world says it is all about you…God says it isn’t. And the wondrous thing is that when we “take up our cross and follow Him”, He gives us not only life…but life abundantly!

The world says this is foolishness.

Now, if one is caught up in a desperate frenzy of chasing the world’s standards and trying to make yourself into something that you simply aren’t and will never be, then there is wisdom in being content with who you are in those areas that are unchangeable.

 But these words go beyond that…way beyond.

“When I accepted me…I started listening to and following my inner voice…”

I know people who have accepted themselves and their inner voice says ‘I don’t want to get a job’; or their inner voice says ‘I want to sleep in this morning rather than go to class’; or their inner voice says ‘I don’t want to throw anything away’ and they end up with a house so packed with junk that it takes a HazMat team to clean it out.

The point is that we have an inner nature that wants to get its own way. That has been true from the bad choice in the garden and it hasn’t changed. The heart of man is “desperately wicked” and somewhere, sometime, we need to say “no” to the inner voice. That flies in the face of Maslow and New Age and our “it’s all about me” world, but it’s the bold-faced truth.

We are fast descending into the tar pit of self-centeredness from which little escapes.

If it is all about me and my inner voice says that I want your stuff, then I expect to get your stuff.

Most of our modern day politicians, like marketing gurus, know the heart of man better than most and they can play your “inner voice” like a concert violinist. All they have to do is promise that they can get you want you want. And if I haven’t learned to say “no” to my inner voice then I will actually applaud them and cheer them on.

What they conveniently fail to tell you is that the cost is very, very high.

Marketing gurus simply make you a slave to consumer debt; the neo-politician simply makes you a slave.

God warned the children of Israel about setting up a king who did not live under God’s restraining Hand. The new king, God told them, would take 10% of their stuff and give it to those who support him and they would become his slaves. What is interesting is that they chose slavery…clamored for it.

Yesterday, this nation took a huge leap in paying dearly for another piece of gruel in the feed trough.

The high cost is not simply adding to a debt that is already insane, but it is the cost of becoming more and more the slave of the state. Don’t be fooled into thinking that there is something virtuous in stealing from the wealthy to line our own pocketbooks or pay our bills.

There is no virtue in making someone else a slave.

And there is no wisdom in continuing to pull spark plugs out of the economic engine.

Whatever a man sows, that will he also reap.

You cannot drain the profit of the wealthy and not expect to see the loss of jobs.

Pick the pocket of the wealthy and you will soon find that it is none but your own.

But, the political rhetoric is thick and will soon get thicker. Yesterday, one of our leaders said this: “Today, we have the opportunity to complete the great unfinished business of our society and pass health care reform for all Americans that is a right and not a privilege.”

I have unfortunate news for all of us.

This is NOT the “great unfinished business of our society” and if the king can make you believe that it is your right to take from others and give to you, then there will be no end to what you consider to be your “rights”.

                             

        Next on the list:

–car insurance for all;

–life insurance for all;

–internet access for all;
–cell phones for all;
–homes for all;
–food for all;
–clothes for all…

‘Free for all’ will soon become a ‘free for all’.

This is not a political problem.

This is a worldview problem.

“He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves.” 1 Samuel 8:18"

Well said, Dr. Tackett.  And my sentiments, exactly.  I, for one, do not want my freedom to be translated into slavery, nor do I want that for this country that I love and call home.  As I've said before, trouble is, it's hard to stop a runaway train...

Oh How I Love Thee, Preschool

We're now in week three of preschool and I've found the holy grail.  Well, at least for mothers of preschoolers who have WAAAAAY too much time on their hands.  And mine did.

D loves it, I love it, it's a win win. 

...

The only thing is the nagging cough D brought home and shared with the rest of us.  That same cough that I curse all day long now that it is plaguing me. 

No, I'm not sure she got it at preschool.  Goodness knows that her diet is lacking in anything nutritional that I don't sneak into a soup of some sort.  It's no secret that she regularly sneaks candy and hoards it in her room to devour on her own schedule.  Her diet does leave a bit to be desired.

I'm just guessing the nasty little virus (or bacteria)'s origin is the new-found preschool/holy grail, since her teacher is now out sick with a similar nagging cough, and is expected to be all week...

Anyway, we're loving preschool!

Freak of Nature

Why does my body have to fight me so?  I've started going to the gym regularly (I've written about this before), I'm working with a trainer at the gym who's having me lift weights (which I HATE to do), and I've been careful about not adding calories to my days even though my increased activity screams for them.

All of that effort, and it never fails that once a week or two go by with regular exercise, I GAIN WEIGHT!!  huh?  Isn't it supposed to work the other way around? 

Throughout my adult life, whenever I go through an activity lull, I ALWAYS lose weight.  When I was training for triathlons, working out like two hours every day, I kept waiting for the weight to melt off.  But, no - I actually maintained or even gained a few pounds during that year of intensity.  This last summer, with all of the craziness of moving, the intensity of the heat, and my two month long headache, I was not exercising much at all.  Yep, I lost about five pounds.  ??

I mean, where's my built in incentive to keep trudging away on the treadmill and meeting that lady who makes me try out all the stupid nautilus machines at the gym??  I've lost my CO running buddies, so now I don't even have their great conversation to prompt me to keep moving. 

All I have now is a higher number on the scale.  Yipee.  Oh, and I suppose the knowledge that I'm taking good care of my health...

(And, if you're tempted to comment about how muscle weighs more than fat, or anything about how it's not the scale that is the measure of good health - tell that to the trainer who, after weighing me, told me that I'm "overfat".  I'm only slightly bitter about that still.)

sigh

A Head Start On New Year's

Yesterday, Kyle and I took the plunge (no, not THAT plunge - we did that over 15 years ago...). We finally joined a local gym.
We've been dragging our feet about this, but talking about it for some time. Now that we've been here 5 months, we thought it was time to, A) admit we're really local residents and put down some roots (the gym membership is a two year commitment), and B) get serious about our fitness again.

So, today marks day one of our new fitness regime - we are both restarting the Body for Life plan that has been remarkably successful in the past at bringing our fitness levels up and fat levels down in a short period of time.

Why am I blogging about this? Accountability, people. I need it.

Will you hold me to it?

Better yet, will you join us? :)

JoAnna's Day 1 so far: cut out sugar and cream from my morning coffee, ran on the treadmill for HIIT workout, drank 12 oz. of water and counting...

A Pandemic

Kyle returned home at the end of last week after working in Phoenix and woke up the next morning with a full on case of the flu. Literally, one minute he was feeling fine, the next he was miserable. It was quite something to watch. And I was so thankful that I was the one watching it, not going through it.

He spent the next 72 hours in bed with a ridiculously high fever, and I felt compelled to wake up through the night to check on him and make sure he didn't need to go to the hospital or wasn't having seizures due to the fever. Luckily, he started to get better yesterday, and besides a fainting episode around midday (he was up and moving around, but had eaten very little for three days), he was apparently on the road to restored health.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I picked Bri up from school to find her with a fever and complaining of a headache. Here we go for round two...

Denali and I publicly proclaimed that we are the healthy two in our household, and the virus will not take us down. It won't.

Today, I'll spend a disproportionate amount of time doing load after load of laundry. If it's fabric and washable, it's getting thrown in. If only I could figure out a way to hose down the inside of the house without destroying much of it... Let me see, where's the clorox spray??

What have I been up to??

First, I need to apologize for my lack of blogging this month, and part of last. This headache and the ensuing drama it has caused has left much of my "normal" life in its wake. Still working on that.

Secondly, my free time and creative juices have been poured lately into a new adventure I'm pursuing with a company that I worked for 3 years ago. I love this company, called Lifebushido, because the president and founder has big ideas and it is poised to revolutionize the work at home field by honing in on people, like me, who have chosen to stay home with kiddos, but still want to earn some extra income with very part time work.

Anyway, I've been blessed with the opportunity to take over blogging for one of this company's blogs, and a couple of other blogging assignments related to the virtual assistant services we offer. I thought I'd direct you all to the work I've been doing for Lifebushido, because, if I do say so myself, I think the content is pretty good and applies to everyone, whether they're in the business field or the CEO of their home.

Let me know what you think! And sign up to be a follower over at the Lifebushido blog, if you want, too! :)

An update, and some things I'm learning

So, turns out that I spoke a bit too soon almost two weeks ago when I proclaimed that my pain was a thing of the past. It did improve briefly, then took a sharp turn for the worse - which explains my lack of blogging all this time. I've had a couple of horrific days of intense pain that has been difficult to get on top of. Those days were followed by the past two days of waking up pain free (and in disbelief!) then settling into a very minor version of the pain I've experienced. I don't know if I'm out of the woods, or if there will be more downswings, but I'll take any improvement! Anyway, that is the short update.

I was reading in my devotional, _Streams in the Desert_ a couple of days ago, and this poem struck a chord - it's about the things we leave undone. I thought I'd share and hope it brings you some things to ponder, too.

It isn't the things you do, dear,

It's the things you leave undone,

That gives you the bitter heartache

At the setting of the sun;

The tender word unspoken,

The letter you did not write,

The flower you might have sent, dear,

Are your haunting ghosts at night.

The stone you might have lifted,

Out of your brother's way,

The bit of heartfelt counsel

You were hurried too much to say;

The loving touch of the hand, dear,

The gentle and winsome tone,

That you had no time or thought for,

With troubles enough of your own.

These little acts of kindness,

So easily out of mind,

These chances to be angels,

Which even mortals find -

They come in nights of silence,

To take away the grief,

When hope is faint and feeble,

And a drought has stopped belief.

For life is all too short, dear,

And sorrow is all too great,

To allow our slow compassion,

That tarries until too late.

And it's not the thing you do, dear,

It's the thing you leave undone,

That gives you the bitter heartache,

At the setting of the sun.

~ Adelaide Proctor

Bright, Sunshiny Day

What a relief! After 8 (count them) days of pain, the clouds have lifted, and I am mostly pain free (save a little tiny bit of residual headache, but that's nothing)! The migraine has departed! This video is representative of how I'm feeling this most excellent day. :) Enjoy!

Not today, I have a headache!

So, the past seven days I've had a low grade, but nagging and completely annoying headache. I wake up with it, carry it around all day long, and go to bed exhausted from it. At first, I thought maybe it was that I slept wrong, as my neck is often sore when I wake up. Then, I wondered if it was due to dehydration, as I'm not really very good at keeping up with the right amount of water intake, especially in the intense heat of the desert. So, I've been drinking A LOT of water.

I wish I could report that helped. Not so much.

Yesterday, I booked a massage because I then hypothesized that maybe it is due to muscle tension that I can feel in my back, neck, and shoulders (darn stress!). The masseuse hit every pressure point in my body and I'm sore today from the rub down, which did help my muscle tension. But, I woke up today, again, with the same piercing headache that has gripped the left side of my scalp and won't let go!

I did some research on the Internet (what better way to receive trustworthy, comprehensive medical treatment?!?), and have deduced that what I'm dealing with is a chronic daily migraine, although, technically, I can't be diagnosed with that by a real doctor until it takes 15 days from me out of the month. Only 8 days to go, I guess... sigh

Anyone else have any brilliant suggestions for ways I can eradicate the pain?!? I'm starting to get desperate. I know I can't be the only one who's suffered with this!

The upshot is, when I do find relief, I will be so thankful for being pain free - something I take for granted every day. Until now...