Friday, May 7, 2010

Reflections on an upcoming Mother's Day

It's been a tough week.  I've been in single parent mode for 9 days (but who's counting?!?), and I am so tired and grumpy and focused on the relief that will come when my better half finally comes walking through the door this evening to save me from total and complete responsibility.

Just now, I was browsing some of my frequent online stops (as I'm gearing up to do some actual work).   On one of those sites, I just read an interesting quote.  "What you focus on grows"

Can you say conviction?

As I was pondering that little gem, and how I'm obviously focusing on stuff that I most definitely DO NOT want to grow, I happened upon another link to a website created and maintained by a mother who lost her 3 1/2 year old son last month to Leukemia.  She was talking about how she's dreading this Mother's Day because she is a mother but is without her son, which is what prompted me to see what she was talking about by visiting her site.

Wow, is all I can say.  I read just a tiny bit of her telling the story of her son's memorial service and watched the pictures of him and their family scroll across the screen in slideshow after slideshow, and tears streamed down my face as I thought about the pain and torment she must be enduring in these weeks following such a tragic loss.  Then, her son's face was replaced by my daughters' faces in my mind's eye and I was immediately caught up with the "what if that were my child" thoughts, and the emotion of that opened the floodgates.  And I haven't had to walk her road.

Instead, I have two healthy, strong, beautiful, vibrant little girls who've been entrusted to me for a short time.  And, I've spent way too much time focused on how hard it is to parent them, how much I sacrifice to be a mother (financially, emotionally, relationally), and all the work I do every day to simply keep our household running with two kids going in two different directions all the time.

What you focus on grows.

For far too long, I've been very focused on myself, my needs, my pain and struggles.  And I've struggled with why I cannot seem to escape the pit of anger and frustration that I inevitably fall into when I'm not diligent about staying out of it.  Why does it have to be so much work to simply focus on the moment, build relationship, and be happy?  Because what you focus on grows, and I'm focused on negativity, not what I want to grow.

So, I'm making a public announcement that this Mother's Day (and for the days to follow), I'm going to make a concerted effort to remember that what I focus on grows.  I'm going to focus on:

  • the laughter of two girls who so enjoy one another's company (most of the time)
  • the bright twinkle in my oldests' big brown eyes when I play with her
  • the still babyish "accent" that my youngest has when she talks with such big words and ideas
  • the joy that both girls express when I sit down to read them a bedtime story
  • that infectious smile my youngest displays regularly
  • both girls' angelic voices as they call me "mama"
  • all the gifts of motherhood and how they far outweigh any sacrifices
  • how I'm so abundantly blessed




What are you focused on? What do you want to grow in your life?

Happy Mother's Day!

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