Transformation

There has been alot of change at our home over the past month. Our neighbors are traveling much of this month, and I have wondered what they'll think when they return and see all the differences in our house! I even drove up to our home after a long day (granted my head was elsewhere) and thought for just a moment, as I turned into our driveway, "oops! I'm at the wrong house!" Seeing those decks off the back threw me off.

There are other things around our house, too, that are completely different than the way I've grown accustomed to over the past several years. I repainted the front door, from a deep purple (which I loved!), to a burnt reddish/orange color. I repainted the fireplace in our great room, from the same deep purple as the front door, to a neutral gray color (note this picture was taken mid-transformation!). I've taken down all our family pictures at the request of my realtor. All sorts of changes are happening to make our home less ours and look more like anyone could live here.

Something interesting is happening in me, emotionally, too. As I complete each of the things on my check off list, and take my signature off of our home, I'm noticing that I'm becoming less attached as well. The other day, I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks (figuratively, not literally!). What I thought was less important than what it made me realize. It occurred to me for the very first time that all of my emotional instability, while a normal part of the grieving process, was due largely to my grief over losing our house. I was shocked to know that that was what most of this was all about. I was unnaturally coveting our home - way more than I knew. After recovering from the embarrassment of that realization, I've also come to understand more about the meaning of what is happening in a way that has brought me incredible freedom and joy about the future.

This is a chance for me to change my ways - I've blogged about that before. This is also a chance for me to avoid setting myself up to repeat the same mistakes - to make it easier for myself to keep anything from coming between me and my Heavenly Father, who wants my undivided attention. He doesn't want to compete with a house, a job, a car, a hobby, a commitment, or anything else with which I might keep Him at arm's length. Even when I don't have a clue that I'm doing it - He does.

We'll still need to live in a house when we move, and there will be new commitments and things that will tie up our time, but the point for me is to remember. Remember the hole I dug myself into here. Remember the intensity and incredible elation of having Him present with me during the darkest moments. Remember to keep my eyes and heart focused on the things in life that really matter, and not on those things that just don't. Somehow I know that things will fall into place as long as I don't forget.

And so goes the ongoing transformation. Thanks for reading.