15 years ago today...

I married the love of my life!  

What a fun ride it's been so far. 

High school sweethearts, married at the tender age of 20, Kyle and I have grown up together in so many respects.  

Here are just a few shots of the two of us through the years.  Funny how these were hard to find as I searched through the hundreds of pictures we have - most of them are of the kids!  

I guess we need to focus more on the two of us, and anniversaries are always a great reminder of that.  :)  

Here's to at least 15 more years!

Wrestling

Today's installment in _Streams in the Desert_ hit me right between the eyes.  It was in reference to Genesis 32, when Jacob was wrestling with the angel and tells him that he won't let him go until he blesses him - he was trying to force blessing into his life, despite his dislocated hip and strength that would eventually fail.  How arrogant!  How bold and really kinda disrespectful Jacob's behavior was!

Then I realized, I'm no different.  I continually ask for God to bless me with this or that, expecting my path to be straight and easy - and just how I planned it.  When I hit a bump or a turn or a roadblock, I do whatever I can to get back on the road I envisioned, ignoring the one I'm on and fighting against it.

The blessing doesn't come by force.  The longer we wrestle, the less strength we save for more important things, and we risk becoming injured.  The blessing comes when we finally put down our fists and surrender our own plans, in respect and reverence to His.  Sometimes they are one and the same, sometimes they vastly differ.  Either way, it isn't until we give up our fight with God that we receive the blessing.

And that, in and of itself, for me is a battle I'm constantly engaging in.  How about you?

Broken Vessels

A good friend of mine suggested that I get the devotional, _Streams in the Desert_ (how fitting is that title??), so I picked it up at the bookstore yesterday.  Several of my friends and I have decided to read this book once a day (it covers the entire year, by date) and participate in a sort of "virtual study" of what we're learning relative to what is written.  I'd love to have you join us, too.  :)

Today's devo is about how we are all broken vessels, and whether we realize it or not, all of the trials and struggles we each face in our lives are opportunities - "God's way of providing vessels for the Holy Spirit to fill."  Interesting concept - one I'd no doubt heard before, but it seemed to have new meaning for me this morning as I reflected on it.

It reminded me immediately of a strawberry pot.

With all of its various nooks and crannies, each intended to house a living plant

that will produce sweet, satisfying fruit.  It is like no other pot, with holes throughout, threatening the strength of the entire vessel.  But without those openings, exposing the soil inside, there would be no opportunity for the strawberry plant to flourish and eventually reveal its fruit.

I suppose we are no different.  Each hole in the strawberry pot is like each trial we endure in this life.  While it first appears to threaten the integrity of our entire makeup, eventually it ends up creating new life and even fruit.  What seems to be an unusual design (or an unecessary struggle), turns out to be the perfect way to maximize the pot's (and our) potential.  Just some thoughts I'm pondering today...

I'd love to hear how today's excerpt spoke to you, if you want to join the discussion.  Leave a comment!

Little by little...

I ask for your forgiveness over the past week (and likely into the week to come) for my lack of blogging.  The packing and cleaning and fixing we are tackling each day is consuming me at the moment!  I thought I'd pop on today with a quote that I'm pondering, which I'm finding to be true as we're packing our things for the big move:

"When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps impossible, if you only work a little at a time, every day a little, suddenly the work will finish itself."

~Isak Dinesen

Transformation

There has been alot of change at our home over the past month. Our neighbors are traveling much of this month, and I have wondered what they'll think when they return and see all the differences in our house! I even drove up to our home after a long day (granted my head was elsewhere) and thought for just a moment, as I turned into our driveway, "oops! I'm at the wrong house!" Seeing those decks off the back threw me off.

There are other things around our house, too, that are completely different than the way I've grown accustomed to over the past several years. I repainted the front door, from a deep purple (which I loved!), to a burnt reddish/orange color. I repainted the fireplace in our great room, from the same deep purple as the front door, to a neutral gray color (note this picture was taken mid-transformation!). I've taken down all our family pictures at the request of my realtor. All sorts of changes are happening to make our home less ours and look more like anyone could live here.

Something interesting is happening in me, emotionally, too. As I complete each of the things on my check off list, and take my signature off of our home, I'm noticing that I'm becoming less attached as well. The other day, I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks (figuratively, not literally!). What I thought was less important than what it made me realize. It occurred to me for the very first time that all of my emotional instability, while a normal part of the grieving process, was due largely to my grief over losing our house. I was shocked to know that that was what most of this was all about. I was unnaturally coveting our home - way more than I knew. After recovering from the embarrassment of that realization, I've also come to understand more about the meaning of what is happening in a way that has brought me incredible freedom and joy about the future.

This is a chance for me to change my ways - I've blogged about that before. This is also a chance for me to avoid setting myself up to repeat the same mistakes - to make it easier for myself to keep anything from coming between me and my Heavenly Father, who wants my undivided attention. He doesn't want to compete with a house, a job, a car, a hobby, a commitment, or anything else with which I might keep Him at arm's length. Even when I don't have a clue that I'm doing it - He does.

We'll still need to live in a house when we move, and there will be new commitments and things that will tie up our time, but the point for me is to remember. Remember the hole I dug myself into here. Remember the intensity and incredible elation of having Him present with me during the darkest moments. Remember to keep my eyes and heart focused on the things in life that really matter, and not on those things that just don't. Somehow I know that things will fall into place as long as I don't forget.

And so goes the ongoing transformation. Thanks for reading.

The promises of new growth

I was staring out my office windows this morning, watching the sun rise through the trees, and this tree, in particular stood out among the rest. One of the things I love about our home is the abundance of Aspen trees. I think they are so pretty, with their white trunks and delicate leaves.



Every year, I'm mesmerized as the leaves mark the seasons with bright green buds in the spring and summer, brilliant golds and reds in the fall, and finally dropping to the ground in the winter. I've blogged before about how I so look forward to the ending of winter and the beginning of spring/summer here in Colorado - with the snow disappearing (hopefully!) for a few months and the warmth allowing us to wear flip flops and shorts to enjoy the feel of the sun on our skin.

A friend of mine blogged recently about how the changing of seasons has new meaning for her right now in her season of mothering. I've grappled with many of those same things she describes. This year, the changing of seasons is taking on another meaning for me, too. While there is new life bursting forth from the trees and the flowers are starting to wake from their winter slumber, we, as a family, are also entering into a new season complete with a new climate, new home, new church... Over the past several days, I've been focusing on viewing our move as a new beginning. A chance to recreate our daily lives, to eradicate old habits and routines that aren't what we want anymore, to draw closer to our God and learn to rely on Him more than we do today. An opportunity to reset - physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

When I think of it that way, I'm comforted and energized by the promise of new life this spring. Even if it is new life in the desert.

My heart will choose to say...

I heard this song live, in person, performed by the song writer himself, Matt Redman, (who is incredible, IMHO!) two years ago at a MOPS convention. He explained that he sat down one night to write this in the aftermath of one of several miscarriages for him and his wife. As he sung this, I remember distinctly thinking that I hoped I could praise God in the midst of storms like he has.

Now that the winds are raging around me and it's been raining for many weeks in my world, my thoughts have returned to this song and all that it stands for. I'm determined to forge ahead even though everything in me wants to sit down and hide my head.

I heard this song yesterday on the radio and I woke up to it on my alarm this morning. I think I'm meant to meditate on this message today. I hope it speaks to you, too. Enjoy!

What a week!

A week ago today, I knew that the next seven days would be crazy busy and tough to get through, but as I look back on the week, I'm amazed at all we got done. Here's a play by play so you'll understand why I've not been blogging as much lately:

Kyle feverishly worked all week long on building our two back decks - first sawing out the existing concrete patio to make room for deep holes (which he also dug, painstakingly), then pouring more concrete to make the piers for the posts of the decks. He then hired a crew to build the frames of the decks (smart man!). Finally, a friend came for two days to help him put the decking and rails on the decks. They are wonderful, and it is such an injustice that he won't be here for the next several weeks to enjoy the fruit of his labor. The girls and I will have to enjoy them double for him. Here are a couple shots.

The one at the far end of the picture is off our master bedroom, and all but the rails is finished - Kyle's friend is coming back next week to complete that deck in his absence. I'm so excited to eat a few meals, drink a few cups of coffee out there, and spend some time marveling at the tree house our back yard has become now!

While Kyle was working away at the deck projects, I was busily gathering things around our home for our garage sale that we either do not need anymore, or simply do not want to move all the way to Nevada and organizing them in the garage.

On Thursday night, a friend surprised me with a dinner with some other women who I've been privileged to serve with in our local MOPS group. She took me to Chic Fil A because she knew that I'd miss that particular restaurant when we move (can you believe there are none in the whole state of Nevada?!?). While not a glamorous meal at a fancy restaurant, the thoughtfulness she put into the evening was SO touching and such a blessing. I was presented with a photo of all of us together, in a frame, with a matte on which each of them wrote a special message for me. I was humbled at the knowledge that they went to all that trouble to honor me. What a gift.

After dinner, a few women had to get back to their families, but three of us stayed behind to spend some time together. We decided "on the fly" to have some fun by trying on prom dresses! So out of character for me (I'm always so serious...), so I was a little uneasy about the whole idea, but I didn't have a better one, so we went for it. It was so much fun - turns out letting loose a little bit and doing something silly is actually a really good time! The best part was the time with friends that will be such a great memory!

After all that excitement, it was back to the work of putting together the garage sale, which I did all day Friday. Saturday was the big day, and people showed up early (I knew they'd do that, but I was SO not ready). We hurredly got everything put out, eventually, and the day was a huge success. We now have much less to move, helped some people out with some great bargains, and made a little money in the process. A friend of mine stopped by early in the morning to drop off a few things she wanted to sell, and ended up staying all day long to help me out. Isn't it amazing how God takes care of us through our friends?? So neat - I was so thankful for all her hard work and don't know how I would have done it all without her.

Kyle and I finally sat down with the kids to a really healthy meal of buffalo chicken wings and fried mushrooms (yum!) last night around 8:30 pm (yes, that is way past their bedtimes). We then collapsed into bed with little energy to spare.

This morning, Bri and Kyle made blueberry pancakes and sausages for me for Mother's day. They surprised me with an incredible book Kyle made on Blurb.com with pictures of the last several years of our lives - some from when Kyle and I were newly married, some chronicalling Aubrielle from her newborn days to now, and the same for Denali. I was so touched, (and so fried from the exhausting week past) that I burst into tears. I had to assure Bri that these were "happy tears" - she was looking a little worried (she had been so excited all week for me to open this gift). I couldn't think of a better Mother's Day gift than a priceless book that I can thumb through whenever I want to swim in some very happy memories of our lives together. It made me feel so loved, and so lucky.

Today has been so bittersweet. The craziness of the garage sale is behind me, I have two long-awaited and gorgeous decks to enjoy for the next few weeks, I have been honored and loved by my husband and children. But, today is the day that Kyle also has to leave us for the next three weeks to work in Las Vegas.

He left a few hours ago, and I spent much of this afternoon crying and sniffling. Telling myself that it is only temporary, that it will go by before I know it (with all the things I still have left to do), and that my last pair of contacts are going to go fuzzy if I don't stop, didn't seem to be working. Emotions! They have a mind of their own. A week ago, I could only imagine all the things that are different today and next week will likely be the same with so much going on this month. My challenge is to not get lost in the busyness of life right now and keep looking around so I don't miss anything important!

Whew! I'm so tired. I think I'll go lay in front of the television with the kids for awhile and have some of the chocolate cake that's in the fridge for dinner. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of my children who love to rock out to Go Fish, and as a tribute to all moms out there on Mother's Day today - enjoy!

Procrastination

This cartoon reflects just how I'm feeling today...

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Kyle is currently outside pouring the 6 concrete foundation piers for our soon-to-be deck. He will spend his last days here in Colorado finishing that huge task before he goes to work full time in Nevada. This will leave me here to help the girls finish up school, pack up all of our house, clean, paint, fix up, and otherwise prepare our home for our move. I've got a garage sale this weekend to prepare for and a huge community sale that I'm working next week for four days. I'm looking at my 'to do' list in awe of the sheer amount of tasks listed, knowing I've forgotten some things that I'll realize once I get started. It's the getting started that I'm struggling with!

I know we'll get through this crazy time. I just don't currently know how...

A monumental hair cut

Yesterday, after countless mornings of fights and tears over the task of brushing Bri's beautiful, but unruly head of curly, long hair, we decided to take her for her first ever haircut by a professional (I don't count as professional in this area!). Here are a couple of shots.

Just to give you an idea of the amount of hair that was cut off.

Her new look.

She says she feels "so different now" and she told me this morning that her new favorite hobby is brushing her hair - with no pain involved! She seems to have a whole new outlook on life since yesterday afternoon, and is so excited to show her school mates - she wants to get to school early today. Isn't it interesting how our countenence changes with something slightly altered? I feel the same way after a good haircut, pedicure, or relaxing massage (we really need to not neglect ourselves as much as we do!).

While it was harder for me to see her long hair go, I have to admit that it is nice to easily be able to brush through her hair now (the price we've paid for beauty all this time!!). However, I do distinctly recall sitting in the salon watching my little girl get her first "real" haircut and realizing in a very big way in that moment that she is growing up so fast. Before we know it, we'll be picking out prom dresses and discussing makeup techniques. Ah, the bittersweet taste of motherhood as we realize we are working ourselves out of a job...