Worry

"Rule Number 1 is, don't sweat the small stuff.

Rule Number 2 is, it's all small stuff."

- Robert Eliot

I like this concept. Perspective is important for us - when we take things or ourselves too seriously, we lose so much. But, even though I want to subscribe to this as a general way of thinking, I often argue "so, then why does everything always seem so BIG??"

Right now, for me, lots of things are pretty BIG. The thought of picking up our family and moving to a foreign state with a new climate and culture is BIG. I'm thinking BIG thoughts about all the work that needs to get done around our home to get it ready to sell. The possibility that it won't sell and the consequences of that are BIG. Having to start over finding a church, friends, schools, running paths, etc. etc. is BIG. Figuring out whether we'll be able to afford private school, or whether I'll need to homeschool and how that will all work out is a BIG decision. You get the BIG picture.

I know that worrying is borrowing trouble. We often worry about things that never, ever come to pass. Then we look back realizing we wasted all that time stressed out for nothing. I'm guilty of that more than I care to admit. Right now, for example!

Then, my thoughts turn to God and how He holds this whole world in His hands. I do believe He's in control. I do believe He has plans for me and my family - plans to prosper us and not to harm us, for a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). I do believe He knows what's best for me. When I think of all the BIG things He has to be on top of every moment of every day forever and ever, and when I realize that He cares enough for me that He has (more than once) stopped to be with me (little old me?!) at the times when I needed Him most, I'm amazed at just how small I am, in the whole scheme of things. small. My problems, when compared to all the problems in the world, and all the problems everyone is facing are so small. If I keep my eyes on Him, I can see perspective.

I think I'd do well to take the advice from the book of Matthew: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Winter in Colorado

I thought it might be fun to share a couple of videos from this winter. Both of the kids started skiing this year - Aubrielle seems as though she's done it all her life. She's really just about as good as I am (not that that is saying anything!). Denali has a typical three year old attention span about it, but her fearless spirit lends itself to a couple of good runs with her, too. Kyle got video of Bri skiing, and video of the three of us girls ice skating (boy did my feet hurt after that!). Enjoy!

Just one more thing

So, I'm driving in the car today and one of my favorite songs by Sara Groves comes on my CD player, "Just One More Thing". I really like this song - like all of Sara's music, the lyrics are deep and truthful and cause me to examine myself (and it doesn't hurt that it has just the right cadence for my running pace!). This is my quintessential mother motivator song that ALWAYS convicts me of how I'm so Type A and my kids are suffering because of it. Listening to Sara plead with herself to set her priorities straight and make time for her kids, I get to thinking (once again!) about my own lifestyle. I always seem to make time for the Internet, or spinning class, or whatever it is I'm consumed with at the moment. So why don't I exert the same amount of time and energy when it comes to quality time with my girls?

I'm always saying "be there in a minute" or "not now, mommy's busy". Before I know it the day is gone and I didn't ever get to the easy bake oven or playing with them and their my little ponies. I'm never at a loss for more tasks - laundry always has to be done, floors need swept, lunches need made, my "real job" is calling... I'm like every other honest mother in the world who admits the truth about being overwhelmed and sick with hurry (I can see each of you collectively nodding in understanding).

It hasn't been that long since both of my girls were born - where did seven and three years go already??? I can see the writing on the wall - if I don't slow down and simply *be* with them, it will be 10 years later and it will be too late. So, what's the answer? Do I quit my job, let go of my ministry and volunteer responsibilities and check out of my life so I can check in to theirs? I know that's simplification, but I have to wonder. Is this impending move God's way of getting my attention? Forceably removing me from all of my commitments and requiring me to reboot my life to fit my family? Maybe so - maybe not. But what a shame if I miss the wake up call and require more drastic attention getting measures. As Sara says so well, "at the end of your life your relationships are all you've got".

Here's the whole, heartwrenching and thought provoking song:

Kick off blog post - why "Pondering In The Desert"?

Well, this is certainly a new start and a new venture for me! Blogging (journaling in any form, for that matter) isn't really something that comes naturally for me, and it's not something that some therapist recommended that I do for some cathartic release (not that there's anything wrong with that - I AM a trained therapist, after all...). Creating a blog isn't even something I wanted to do because I feel I have insight that no other human has ever had before, thereby sharing great and useful information with the world.

No, none of those are the reasons why I'm venturing out into the blogosphere to air my thoughts and observations for anyone and everyone to peruse. I simply want to record what I'm thinking and feeling as I sense that I'm entering into one of those periods in my life that will either produce great personal and spiritual growth, or it will break me. (I'm definitely pulling for the former.)

I'm hoping that writing and rereading my own words and dreams and aspirations and struggles will help me to keep a pulse on where I am in relation to where I'm going and where I want to be.

I'm hoping this will be my breadcrumb trail that helps me to look back at where I've been, all the while moving forward to where I'm going. Wherever He takes me (which, at this exact moment, looks like it will be the desert).

I'm hoping that this record of my observations, frustrations, thrills, and heartaches along the way will inspire me to continue to reach farther and do better, rather than worse.

Wow. So it begins. If you're reading this, thanks for journeying along with me. I'm thankful for the company.

I'd rather be pondering in the desert, than merely wandering.